memeslut (memeslut) wrote,


1. I am buying new shoes, god damnit, and I might need some input. You know what my problem is? I'm a perfectionist, or, am I a coward? I can't even commit to my own self-deprecation. Cadie told me I am brave.

Well I am not brave when it comes to buying shoes. No, no - it's not the act of going into the stores themselves. I cannot bring myself to buy shoes. I really don't understand it. When we were in SF some 9 months ago we went to all the typical shoe outlets but I was unable to do it. It was like peeing in front of somebody who doesn't see your dick on a daily basis. And I can put them on, and ask the shopkeeps for different sizes, but something about the whole process leaves me totally unable to commit to a shoe. I'm pretty sure it's because I suffer from that quintessential american quality of being "uppity", in that I want to dress myself in expensive, luxurious garb; while at the same time being so frugal-minded that I cannot bring myself to part with the cash that would buy these garments. Always reconsidering and thinking maybe there is another deal let us go up the street. I wish I could just point at a shoe and say, "that one". But even then, in the case that I have said "that one", it was a pair of italian fucking pumas, a deep mahogany-shaded leather with creme/gold detailing, sitting there in a mall for well-to-do sporty types, the kind who spend $90 on a fucking plaid shirt from volcom, a brilliant beacon amidst a bunch of a mediocre dross, and I said to myself, "but if I wore those shoes I would feel completely ridiculous as the rest of the outfit is like jeans and a t-shirt" ... and they were $200 dollars again the cash thing. But really, 9 months later, and my back and legs starting to become very sore, would it have been worth it? The shoes, I mean? Buying them? What is the purpose of money, if not to be spent?

Is it me or do 95% of shoes out there look fucking crap??? Jesus christ they look like the fucking millenium falcon! I swear each new shoe design is a palimpsest, just add a new fucking layer to an already tacky shoe. AUGH!

FURTHER I want a shoe that will fare well in the rain, odd splashes of puddles, biking, and on top of that, be fucking leather and gorgeous!!! Maybe I need like, three shoes. But how do people decide which shoes to wear when they walk out the door??? I can't tell if this is like, a microcosm of a greater deficiency of mine, or if I was like, beaten to death by shoe in a past life, or something. I think maybe I need to move to a beach town, because then I could wear sandals all day and be done with it.
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